This post seems so cliché and yet here I am…
I had an epiphany as I sat down to write out my 2020 goals and reflect on my growth and areas for continued growth. A lesson that I repeatedly encountered and failed many times finally revealed itself to me. The moment of clarity and revelation made me think of all the other lessons that I have overcome over the last decade.
So, here is my list of the top 10 most valuable lessons that I learned or that were reinforced over the last decade.
1. Believe in yourself
Seems easy enough, right! This is something that we are taught as children and then over the years, people and experiences give rise to self-doubt, despair and in some cases nonbelief. Then we work tirelessly as adults to regain that childlike confidence that we all once had!
Belief in myself has given me the power to rise above rejection, divorce, death, sickness and a host of other life challenges. This very belief has provided me with the power to speak up for others and to be accountable to my community and myself.
2. Voice over Noise
This one goes hand in hand with believing in yourself. Being able to distinguish your own voice from all the noise of the world is priceless. Think of all the times that you have had a great idea or were presented with an opportunity and talked your own self out of greatness, or allowed someone else to tell you what you could or couldn’t do! No more!!
Learn to be still and to trust your instinct about your life and your decisions. You’ll find the more you naturally lean into this, the more that you’re able to manifest exactly what you want out of life. Voice is energy. Be mindful of the energy that you keep.
3. Assets over Liabilities
First and foremost, I’m an accountant and the accounting equation states:
Assets + Liabilities = OWNERS EQUITY.
Assets add to your balance, liabilities take away and the remaining represents your ownership. This does not only apply to finances; this is a life principle. The last 10 years have yielded me with negative balances, healthy balances and everything in between. However, I always want to be in the black or have a positive balance for all my non accountants. Financially, spiritually, physically, mentally, in absolutely everything I choose to reside in joy, peace, love and abundance! My choice in higher frequency energy over lack going into the new decade is essential because, ownership, resource allocation and access are the real equality. And this requires a strong balance sheet with healthy liquid and long term assets along with manageable or as little debt as possible.
That’s not to say that liabilities are not beneficial. There are times in which you will need to borrow in order to get ahead, that said don’t overextend and never let your liabilities out weigh your assets. As the saying goes, “you cannot pour from an empty cup.”
4. No one is coming to save you!.
Having been involved in ministry my entire life, I’ve encountered all kinds of people and situations. If I’m honest, I been through quite a bit of life on my own as well. There was a point in my life when I thought that blame and manipulation were the best ways to get off the hook. I’ve witnessed countless situations of people abusing systems, people and being reckless only to say, “it’s someone’s else responsibility.” I’m happy to report that I’ve out grown that phase. And if I see someone along the way who’s struggling in the same way with a listening ear, I put my hand back and lift him or her up.
Now notice that I did not say that there will not be people who will help you out along the way. When you are really tapped in and doing the right things because it’s your purpose, people show up. And if you’re prepared, magical things happen. That’s different than expecting people to help you. It’s up to you, your savior is in the mirror. 🙌🏾🙏🏾 I’ll say it again, 🗣NO ONE IS COMING TO SAVE YOU!
5. DO THE WORK!!!! There is no way around it.
Man, I wish I had grabbed hold to this one sooner! Social media will have you thinking that life just happens for people because very seldom do people post struggles or the behind the scenes work that comes with being a success. I have three jobs, not because I like going and working for three different bosses and remembering countless names of peers and customers. I do it because it allows an introvert like myself to meet various types of people while earning a wage.
There is great satisfaction in doing the work. Being able to measure progress and performance, along with thinking critically to produce results is the end game. And then you begin to see the residual impacts of your work, that makes the sacrifice all worth it. Help others along the way and repeat! Find your passion and do your work!
6. Friends aren’t your friends, unless they’re your friends.
As complicated as this sounds, I have found this to be true. There were so many people over the years that I counted as friends, when in their eyes we were mere associates, or the relationship was one sided all together. I am also guilty of this behavior, so please don’t take me as a victim. The greatest lesson learned in this department is that longevity is not the truest measure of a friendship. Great people make great friends, loyal people make loyal friends and respectful people make respectful friends. I don’t throw around the term “friend” loosely and I am grateful for the meaningful, purposeful and loving friendships that I hold now. For all those who came and went, thank you! For all those that are still standing, THANK YOU!! And for all my new friends to come, WELCOME!
We all have gained and lost friends over the last decade. If you would have told me that some of the relationships, I was in a decade ago would be no longer, I would’ve believed you. Yet as time has passed, I’ve learned that just like all things that are not forever, people come and people go. When they do, cherish the memories and let them go.
7. Decisions and Consequences
Anyone in my immediate circle will tell you that we’ve had this conversation at some point in our relationship. I don’t process blame. As adults, we make decisions. Those decisions yield consequences that can be either negative or positive in nature.
I’ve found over time that this is the best way to hold people accountable. It’s hard to lie or manipulate a situation when said parties take accountability for their emotions and actions. At that point you’re faced with a couple of choices, communicate and work through it or flee, the old fight or flight scenario. Life really is much more simple than we make it at times.
When I stopped playing the blame game, my relationships changed. The energy around me shifted. I was able to remove all the toxic people and energy out of my life because I stopped looking for a “reason” for the behaviors and dealt directly with the facts at hand. Game changer! 💪🏾
8. Pray!
Prayer and affirmations have changed my life! Even if you are not a religious person, consider a prayer practice. I not only have a prayer closet, I have prayer partners and I am who I am because of the prayers of others.
If you don’t have a prayer practice it’s very easy to start. Talk to God, the universe even if you speak over yourself to start, have a conversation. Talk about your doubts and fears, your dreams and aspirations. Pray about your visions and plans.
And then watch….👀
Watch the things that you speak and focus on the most manifest. Watch your light shine in the darkest of places. Watch miracles occur because prayer really does change things! 🙌🏾
9. Rejection and FEAR are your friends!
Early on, I talked myself out of so many great things and situations because of fear and more specifically the fear of being rejected by others.
Complete waste of time. I find that people connect more genuinely with authenticity. Learn to love rejection, accept it. Spoil alert 🚨, everyone does not like you!!
What’s more important is that you like you! Protect your energy. Surround yourself in love and truth. If people reject you, it’s their loss, it’s also their choice. It doesn’t take away from who you are and the value that you possess. Hold your head high and ride for the people who ride for you.
10. You can begin again!!
What this last year has taught me the most is that you can begin again. I found love again, I found passion again, I reconnected to my purpose again. I’ve had the opportunity to start over and this time I am prepared with the knowledge, patience and power to see my vision through. I had some major losses as well, that’s life. Take the bitter with the sweet.
No matter where you are in life, it’s never too late. Go for it!
🗣2020 Vision Baby!
Happy New Year! 🎆